24 week milestone

As silly as this may sound, I've been counting down the days to the 24 week mark. Preemies have a much higher likelihood of viability/survival outside the womb after 24 weeks, should and early delivery become necessary. "Micropreemies," as they are called, have their own sets of problems to deal with but I feel like now that I've reached this point I can breath a little sigh of relief knowing that even if something terrible happened to me or the pregnancy, at least Ash would have a decent chance at living on his own. I'm sure this is totally irrational, but normal. Breath with me "whew." 


I have a good number of posts that I'm working on and just haven't had time to finish and upload, so look for those in the next week or so. For now, I'll leave you with a few new belly pics in the slideshow on the other page. For whatever reason, we always take the pictures last ate night when I have no makeup or hair done, so please excuse my face and the horrible lighting.

Mothers' Day

Mother's Day was not overly eventful for us. We got to give both of our mothers these great books we found titled Granda, Tell Me Your Memories which have 365 pages of questions about their life/childhood for our moms to fill out each day and then return to us to give to Ash (and future siblings). It will be fun to ready a page each day for a year when the kids are older so they can get a glimpse of what growing up was like for Kim and Janina. Kim's book was delivered by mail to Oklahoma and Janina's was hand delivered, as we got to pick up her and my dad from the airport on the night of mothers's day.


We didn't celebrate a mother's-to-be-day for me (I think that's probably a jinx or something) but I did receive sweet cards from my sister-in-law Jenni and Aunt Lynda,and a book called Prayers for Expectant Parents from Linda Hillis.


Thank you all!

Daddy's thoughts on Gender Determination

My closer friends and acquaintances who've recently had children have all had girls. My mother is one of five girls, my dad had three girls until I showed up, Nina's brother has two girls, my boss just had a baby girl, our neighbors JUST had a baby girl, and a couple in our small group JUST had a baby girl.

So, I was convinced we were having a girl. I talked to several people, they asked questions about how Nina was feeling and they all agreed that the signs pointed to: A GIRL. No problem. I'll play dress up, have tea, and learn to carry a gun when she turns 13.

When March 25 finally showed up, I woke up normally and took Toby on his morning constitutional. We often have great conversation on these walks, as he may be one of the better listeners I've ever met. Granted, he's usually sniffing a tree or bush, or darting after some hungry squirrel, but he's always willing to lend a floppy ear. As we walked, I told him, "It's going to be a girl, and the household playingfield will be even." I went to work, told everyone it's going to be a girl and I couldn't wait to buy her cute dresses and ribbons for her hair.

I was tempted to call Nina and say let's forget the sono, we know what it is... but I didn't. Ounce of hope, maybe?

Our family gathered at the doctors office at 3:00... we waited a few minutes and a happy young woman with her mom and friend emerged, "It's a Boy!"

I felt as though our odds had, for some reason, just gone down... why is this? As if her having a boy could in any way affect our child.... But the feelings/emotions I'd been having weren't rational either (how many people really talk to their dog on a morning walk trying to convince IT that all would be fine with another girl in the house).

As we entered the sono room, Joe introduced himself. A great guy with a reputation of having never missed the sex of a baby. 

Joe got Nina prepped and started up with the pictures, I called my mom with the expectation of giving her the news... As Joe worked, he showed us the spine, the umbilical cord (which is three chambered) and generally took his time with my emotions... finally, he asked if we were ready... we confirmed... and he said:

"Say hello to your little baby..... BOY!"

Screams throughout!

Who'd a thunk I could actually do this right?

Over all the screaming, Mom wasn't able to hear what was said, but I told her and she was just as excited. 

Exhaustion and joy hit me at once, yet I still had plenty of nervous energy to keep me going. I called family, friends, some people I barely knew... I'd actually done this part of parenting right. I imagine it's only going to go downhill from here...

A good day

April 27, 2011


I'm still convinced that it's these dresses that help make me look pregnant, because I'm still squeezing into my jeans (albeit not the skinny jeans).


A second person noticed I was pregnant today. I was at King Korn Popcorn getting a birthday bucket for my dad when the woman helping me sheepishly looked at me and asked, 
"So how are you feeling?"
"Um...good?" 
"Are you...? When are you...?" she stammers (probably wondering if she may have just offended me, at which point I realize that she thinks I'm pregnant)
"September 10!"


We continued to have a friendly conversation about how I was feeling, if it was my first child, all of her grandchildren, etc. Before I left, she mentioned how beautiful I looked, which really made my day because I was having quite the ugly day (unshowered, hair in a pony, broken out).

Penta Screening

April 11, 2011 - 10:21 a.m.

I just heard from Dr. Benz's office that our penta screening (screening to see if the baby is at risk for a chromosomal abnormality) was negative. Rejoice!

"You having a baby?"

April 7, 2011

Today was the first day that a stranger noticed I was pregnant - quite a milestone in my book!

I still barely look like a mommy-to-be, but some clothes certinaly accuntuate the baby bump.
I was wearing a black and white faux wrap dress from Target (which incidentally is my least favorite item of clothing, so I was not upset when I got red juice all over it after delivering a cinnamon snow cone to JR at work this afternoon) with a wide black belt at my waist. I think the belt helps the bump portrude, because when I was having a long-overdue pedicure with mom, one of the nail techs who has worked there for as long as I can remember, passed me in the hallway and did a literal double-take. "You having baby?" she asked. I was so proud to say "Yes, I am!"

I'm sure there will be lots of these questions in the future months and I'll probably get tired of answering the obvious, but for today, it was nice to be noticed!

Second Trimester Progress

This trimester, I am hoping: to finally look pregnant

I am most looking forward to: gender determination

I am most nervous about: additional blood tests for disorders, etc.

I am least excited about: how busy I am this trimester

Something amazing I've learned so far: that the baby will eventually open its eyes in the womb

Changes in my body: I've finally got a barely rounded belly at 16 weeks. It has been disconcerting to see women who are due after me that look very pregnant, while I'm still fitting into my skinny jeans (although I'm having to use the rubber band trick to keep them on after lunch!) I've also had quite a bit of back pain, which is normal for me, but seems to be exacerbated by the pregnancy. I'm already begging JR to get me a Snoogle to help me sleep comfortably!

"What's in a name?"

Favorite boy's names: Joshua, Noble, Gray, Walker, Adams, James, Scott, Wynne, Arthur, Addison

Favorite girls' names: Adair, Adelle, Lucia, Piper, Aven, Emory, Margo, Addison, Cora, Gloria, Olivia, Libby, Caroline, Abigail

Why we love these names: Most of them are family names

How we searched for names: sifting through our babynames.com and searching by our favorite first letters, looking at our family history, including MFTW's genealogy chart.

How we chose our name: We had picked a boy name that JR had contributed the first name to and I had contributed the middle name to. When we told JR's mom what we were thinking, she suggested a different first name (one that we had strongly considered, but not in this combination) and we loved it immediately. JR sealed the deal when he came up with the perfect nickname. So it was settled in the Holland-East kitchen in Tulsa, Oklahoma on February 18, 2011.


We were so pleased with this boy name and couldn't ever come up with a girl name that felt as "perfect" to us as our boy name did. I was hoping this was a sign that we would have a boy! Fortunately, when the doctor told us we were expecting a little boy, we got to call him by name right away: Arthur Scott Holland ("Ash" for short, from his initials).


Arthur is JR's maternal grandfather's middle name and Scott is my father's first name. I hoped that our baby name would have some weighty, consequential name like "God's gift to all the world" but when I looked up the meanings I found that Arthur means "bear" and Scott means "Person from Scotland." So...our little bear from Scotland is all we have for now, but I'll do some more research and maybe little Ash will define his own name for us. More importantly, we hope that the significance of Ash's name will be derived from the legacy that Robert Arthur Borlase and Scott Templeton Walker have left for him to follow.


Our first gift with Arthur's name: thanks, Mom

Pink or Blue?

My partner and I decided we did want to know the baby's sex because: I really felt like I needed to "be prepared." I wanted to prepare myself mentally for the challenges that a boy or girl would bring. I wanted to be able to do my favorite thing in the world, decorate the nursery in gender-appropriate colors. I wanted to be settled on a name ahead of time. At some point, we would love to get to experience the surprise of not finding out the sex, but not for this go around.

I predicted the sex to be: a girl. Virtually everyone thought it was a girl and lots of old wives' tales predicted a girl too.



The experience: Instead of waiting until our 20 week ultrasound to find out the sex, we paid a little extra to have an extra ultrasound at 16 weeks and find out a month early. I counted down the days until Friday, March 25 and then counted down the hours until 3:00 p.m.


We had the joy of inviting some loved ones to be with us for this appointment, so I left work and headed the doctor's office to meet my mom, dad, brother and sister-in-law there. JR followed me by a few minutes, arriving with our neighbors/friends, Hillary and Kevin. JR's mom made an appearance via cell phone, right as she was about to take off on a flight out of Oklahoma at the time of our appointment.


The office was quiet, because they do these early ultrasounds after regular business hours, but there was another couple in the waiting room with us. Even though the doctor's office had told us that could invite people to come with us for this appointment, I called just to make sure it was okay to bring a group of 8! It was really fun to have our group there to wait and pass the time with us and I felt relieved to see a group come out of their ultrasound that had squeezed an entourage into the ultrasound room with them too.


They finally called us around 3:30 p.m. and we all filed into the room and met our stenographer/ultrasound tech, Joe. (Incidentally, Joe had done an ultrasound on my mom a number of years back!). Everyone crowded around to get a view of the monitor and I stuffed a big plasticy drop cloth into my jeans while Joe put the goop on my belly. As always, as soon as I saw the baby shape and begged Joe to know if he/she was "okay" I let out a sigh of relief. We got to look at the baby's profile and hear the heartbeat again. FINALLY, he said "well are you guys ready to know now?" and after an emphatic yes he said "say 'hi' to your little.......*long pause*......your little boy!" Lot's of clapping and exclamations and screams followed. Then Joe gave us a little tour of my uterus, showing us a head-on shot of the baby, a little foot with toes, an elbow and arm, his boy parts, listened to the heartbeat and giving us some factual information about the baby's developmental thus far. We all predicted it was a girl, so I was really prepared to hear him say "girl" and that pause before he uttered "boy" seemed like it was in slow-motion. Obviously, we would have loved to have a boy or a girl, but I really did feel relieved to hear it was what we had hoped for!


Back in the waiting room, Jenni gave us our first set of boy onesies.

Then we all headed to The Usual to celebrate! Unfortunately, we were there 20 minutes before opening, so the boys went to Yucatan for tacos, I got a coconut limeade from Spiral Diner (best drink ever), and the Golls were nice enough to drive back to our house and wait to meet someone from the car dealer dropping off our newly fixed Murano. We all reunited at The Usual for celebratory drinks before heading to an early dinner and the beginning of the Love & Respect marriage conference.

It was so worth it to find out the sex early and to share the experience with our family. Thank you all for being there with us!


Unfortunately the ultrasound photos are a bit fuzzy from the scan, but enjoy them and the other photos below:

Dr. Benz' office

JR and Wynne waiting

My brother and me waiting

The Golls waiting

Not the most flattering picture...

Joe, our stenographer

Proud future parents

Mom and me at The Usual

Looking Back at the First Trimester

My first trimester weight: 107 lbs

When I first started to show: not this trimester

Biggest change in my body: lots of trips to the ladies' room

Most significant change in my life: eating every few hours so my stomach stayed settled


What I did to stay healthy: prenatals of the gummy variety, no more piping hot baths

The hardest thing to get used to: having no control over what is happening in my body

Most memorable/emotional moment: seeing the heartbeat on our first sonogram

My favorite part about being a new pregnant mom: dreaming about the future

Reflections on the first trimester: Overall, I had a very, very easy trimester. With the exception of some cystic pain in the first couple months, I felt great and only experienced mild symptoms and no morning sickness whatsoever. Sometimes, I almost wished I had some additional symptoms just so I could make sure it was all really happening! I can only hope the pregnancy continues this smoothly. Emotionally, it was a bit of a roller coaster. There were days that were all smiling and staring at sonogram pictures, but also nights that were spent anxiously awake worrying about having a healthy baby and being able to provide for him or her. I am really looking forward to getting out of this trimester and being in a "safer" place for the pregnancy and getting to focus on the fun, tangible things like buying furniture, decorating the nursery, registering, finding infant care, etc.

14 Week Appointment

March 14, 2011

 

Today we visited Dr. Benz for our third appointment. I'm 14 weeks completed and 2 days into the 15th week.

Our first two appointments centered around lab work and sonograms, so I didn't know what to expect at this routine check-up. Except for the 20 week and 36 week sonograms, which are medically necessary, and a few other tests, the rest of our appointments should go like like today's: 1) urine sample 2) weight and blood pressure test 3) listen to baby's heartbeat 4) visit with doctor

Little One's heartbeat was a strong 161 bpm. I held my breath at first because the nurse took awhile to find it with the doppler and we could only hear mine. I started to well up, but when she moved it over to my left side we heard the quick goosh goosh of the baby. Whew!

This is our second old wives' tale to predict a girl (heart beats over 140 = a girl, they say). Fortunately, we won't have to rely on superstition much longer because we scheduled our sex determination appointment! JR is consenting to let us do the elective 4D ultrasound so we can find out the sex at 16 weeks instead of waiting until our next routine sonogram at 20 weeks.

So, less than two weeks away, on Friday, March 25 at 3:00 p.m. we will find out if our Little One is a boy or girl and get to start using gender-appropriate pronouns instead of calling it "IT" all the time! Yay!

In other news, I ordered our crib today and taped off tenative placement of all the nursery furniture. :-)

First Panic Attack

February 5, 2011

 

I flipped out after reading a baby magazine (published by Babies ‘R’ Us) about all of the baby gear we’re going to “have to” buy and store. "The 5 types of strollers you and your baby need" it says! A new car seat for every stage? A jumper, a bouncer, a swing, an entertainment center.

“I don’t know anything about babies!” I wailed. “I didn’t even know there were three kinds of bottle nipples with different rates of flow for different ages,” the sobbing continued.

JR assured me that we would learn all the important things along the way and that we most certainly did not need 5 strollers.

Unexpected First Trimester things

Weird cravings: Krispy Kreme and Curly Fries

Weird cravings fulfilled: JR brought home biscuits and gravy from Central Market AND donut holes from Dales (without me asking)

 

Weird symptoms: Heightened sense of smell - I had to take out all the air fresheners in the house because they were making me feel sick). hyper-sensitive gag reflex - I gagged just thinking about certain foods in the first trimester and can still barely brush my teeth without lurching. Lower abdominal pain from a cyst that eventually cleared up.

More from our second appointment...

Just wanted to share some live-action video of our little Valentine!

Second Doctor's Appointment

Our second appointment with Dr. Benz was on Valentine's day and I was just over 10 weeks. Let me just say, that getting to see and hear Little One was the best Valentine's gift ever! (although a sweet little pearl necklace from JR was a close second) :-) I was desperate to put the ultrasound photo up on Facebook while everyone else was putting up photos of their V-day flower arrangements and gifts, but we still had some family left to tell so I kept my lips sealed until the following Sunday.

Before my ultrasound, I felt: so excited to see the baby again and make sure it was okay

The ultrasound revealed: an actual tiny, human-shaped baby!

My reaction when I first saw the baby: speechless

My reaction when I heard the heartbeat: amazed. The doctor turned on color so we could see where the blood was moving in and out of both the baby and me.

My parent's reaction: my mom got to be there for it and her excitement is definitely audible on the Iphone videos JR took!

Any surprises: No, there was only one in there! But I was so surprised to see that it had grown from a little blobby ameoba to a baby with a nose and arms and legs so quickly. I thought we would just see something peanut-shaped. I was also shocked to see how much it moved. I think I imagined that they were kind of stationary until they got bigger, but this Little One was twitching and doing flips. The doctor even "banged" on my belly with the scanner to get it to jump around some.

After the scan, I felt: shocked for awhile. Even now, I still am when I stop and look at the ultrasound photos pinned up on our fridge.

Pea in a Pod - The first trimester

During the first weeks, I felt: a roller coaster of emotions

My energy: zapped - I tried to get 9-10 hours of sleep each night so I could make it through the day

My skin: unchanged

My hair: desperate for highlights

My body: crampy

Any sickness: none, thankfully

My appetite has been: for junk food

My new favorite food: Eggo waffles

Food I can't touch: meat - no meat for the first trimester and for awhile, the mere thought of most savory foods provoked my gag reflex. One night the sight of a pack of chicken breasts in the fridge sent me heaving over the kitchen sink.

Staples of my pregnancy diet: carbs - lots of carbs

Hoping, Wishing, Dreaming - Dad

I am most looking forward to: watching baby grow up and be amazing

I am most nervos about: not hugging them enough

I am most excited about: first steps, first swing of a golf club, first cast of a fishing line

I am lease excited about: middle of the night poopy diaper changes

Important people who will help me and how: Our parents (we all need readily willing baby sitters), my friends with children so we can ask them embarassing questions, and friends without children to keep us sane

My shoulder to lean on will be: Other than Nina? I don't know...it will depend on the situation

Hoping, Wishing, Dreaming - Mom

I am most looking forward to: holding baby, getting to see baby smile and laugh

I am most nervous about: all the things I don't know

I am most excited about: staying home with baby for a few months

I am least excited about: sleep deprivation

Important people who will help me and how: both of our mothers

My shoulder to lean on will be: JR

First Doctor's Visit

Date: January 17, 2011 - 6 weeks and 3 days

Before my first appointment, I felt: worried. I went in for an early appointment because of some disconcerting symptoms. 

My doctor: Karen Benz, DO

I chose my doctor because: I panicked after experiencing some painful symptoms and having our first doctor's office ignore my calls for days and then instruct me to go to the ER because they couldn't call me back during their business hours. I called what seemed like every doctor in town but no one would see me on a Friday afternoon. Of course, from reading on the internet, I knew I was having an ectopic pregnancy that was potentially fatal. JR called the original doctor's office to complain and got an on-call doctor, Dr. Benz, who assured us that the symptoms I was having were normal and encouraged us not to rush to the ER, but to visit her own office on Monday to get checked out. Even though my experience with the first doctor was a disaster, it gave me the opportunity to meet Dr. Benz, so we are really thankful for that.

Procedure performed: urinalysis and sonogram

Baby's progress: a totally normal little blob, it had a little flickering heartbeat that we could see but couldn't hear yet. JR really teared up when he saw it on screen. The whole rest of the afternoon I would hear him sniffling and ask if he was okay, and he would reply that he was "just thinking about the baby."

After my appointment, I felt: elated, I couldn't stop smiling

Thing I need to keep in mind: most symptoms I experience are probably totally normal

Wonderful News

The first person I told about my pregnancy: JR, of course!

How I told my partner: I waited a day after I found out to tell him. I had a big surprise planned to tell him the news, but I was so tired and recovering from being sick so I just couldn't muster the energy to put my plan into action (maybe for the next bambino). I decided that since it was a couple of days after his birthday, I'd leave an anonymous belated birthday gift on the porch (the gift was a positive pregnancy test). When he came home from work, he acted confused about finding a gift outside the front door and didn't even take the time to read the card. When he tore into the bag and saw the positive test, his first words were, "Is this for real?"

My partner's reaction: He smiled real big and gave me a hug, but I think he was really caught off guard. I didn't get the idea that he was genuinely excited until he got to see the heartbeat on our first sonogram and finally got emotional.

My parent's reactions: Mom fell over on the floor and screamed and cried a lot. Dad was excited but had very few words for the evening, and followed up with a nice e-mail expressing his excitement and joy.

His parents reactions: JR told them in a roundabout way, so Jim caught on first and when the idea clicked with Kim she was ecstatic. She ran into the basement and brought back our first official baby gift: zebra print booties with red lace!

Creating New Life

I thought it was a good time to have a baby because: JR and I were at a point where we felt really settled into our relationship and our life and just felt "ready" to add something to the mix. We believe we can provide a stable environment for child rearing now more than we could have earlier on when we had lots of life changes going on (new marriage, new jobs, new house, etc). Although, obviously those can happen at any time, we hope we're now emotionally mature enough to deal with them better.

Challenges I expect with having a baby: Obvious ones like sleep deprivation and getting a settled into a new schedule. Less obvious ones like making sure that JR won't feel neglected or less important than the baby.

When I imagined being pregnant I felt: nervous

How I prepared for getting pregnant: starting charting my temperature and reading about conception, JR and I tried to eat healthy and not drink any caffeine or alcohol

How long it took to get pregnant: first try!

Imagining pregnancy and my life with a baby: I can't imagine how I'll have the energy to make it happen. We all know that I require LOTS of sleep so I'll have to see how that adjustment goes. I always imagined that I'd be staying home and keeping busy with our kids all day, so I can't imagine what it will be like to have to leave the baby in someone else's care for the day after just a few short months.

I'm Expecting!

I first thought I might be pregnant because: I hoped that my timing with my bbt charts was accurate

Day and place when I first suspected: Well, I wondered about it from the first try until I could take an EPT and find out

How I confirmed my pregnancy: Took a First Response test on December 28, 2010 (about 10 days after conception and 3 days before a missed period)

Once my pregnancy was confirmed, I felt: surprised, scared and everything in between. I was so excited, but I literally got hives because I was anxious!

I was overjoyed because: I couldn't believe that "it worked" so quickly!

Was nervous because: I am totally afraid of dying in childbirth!

The first thing I did was: took a bubble bath, hid the test and thought about how to tell JR

Dreaming of Baby

Our was planned or a surprise? A little bit of both! We were planning to have a baby, but thought we may have to wait a little while for it to happen... but that turned out to not be the case.

I first began thinking about having a baby: Not long after we got married. I knew Nina would be a great mom and I was excited to be a parent with her.

Why I wanted to have a baby: Gotta continue the family line some how

When I imagined my life with a baby, i felt: I imagined a fishing and golf partner

Physical traits I hope my baby will inherit from me: Good hair, boy parts, and a few freckles

Traits I hope the baby will inherit from its mother: Curls, good skin, and her athleticism

Personality characteristics I hope my baby will inherit: Smarts, passion, organization, and concern for our four legged friends.

Dreaming of a Baby

My pregnancy was planned or a surprise? A little bit of both. Definitely planned, but much quicker than I anticipated.

I first began thinking about having a baby: After a couple years of marriage.

Why I wanted to have a baby: to make a family with JR and to follow God's mandate to "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it..." (Genesis 1:28)

Physical traits I hope my baby will inherit from me: curly hair

Traits i hope the baby will inherit from its father: dark hair, indian skin

Personality characteristics I hope my baby will inherit: JR's calm disposition!